Tag: Childhoodtrauma
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The Constant Clock: Living Life Around His Work Schedule
Time ruled our house long before I understood what time even meant. Not hours or minutes, but moods. We didn’t need a calendar; we just needed to know where he was. The week ahead didn’t depend on the weather or what was going on at school. It depended on his schedule. His shifts weren’t just… Read more
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Post 15: Why I Don’t Drink
Sometimes I’m surprised I’m still alive. I’m sure I was a passenger in my mother’s car many times while she was drunk. Crazy, right? But it’s the truth. My first “drink” came when I was 12 years old. It was a hot August day, I was playing baseball in Niagara Falls, and I had been… Read more
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Post 14: Cleveland, 1994: When My Pain Had a Price Tag
I was fifteen years old, and for me, this was everything. I had made the Toronto team for the Junior Maccabi Games in Cleveland. The tryouts, the long hours of practice, the prep work, it had all paid off. Representing my city. Wearing that jersey. Traveling with my teammates. Making new friends. Walking into the… Read more
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Post 13: The Baseball Glove That Stayed in the Closet
I was 27 years old when my baseball glove broke. At that stage of my life, a new one simply wasn’t in my budget. Money was tight, and buying something like that wasn’t a priority I could afford. But I needed a glove. I was playing in a baseball league, and without one, I couldn’t… Read more
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Post 12: The Night a Beer Broke Me: How My Dad Turned a Simple Order Into One of the Most Humiliating Nights of My Life
We went out for dinner. It was me, Lauren, my mom, and my dad. It wasn’t meant to be special. Just a night out, a chance to eat together. The kind of simple outing most families take for granted. The restaurant was busy but comfortable. The clatter of cutlery, the low hum of conversation, the… Read more
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Post 11: Even the Animals Weren’t Safe
When most kids dream of getting a pet, they picture joy, laughter, and unconditional love. I dreamed of that too. But in my father’s house, even the animals weren’t safe. Growing up, I learned the hard way that nothing was safe, not even the animals. The same cruelty and control he used on people extended… Read more
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Post 10: What Set Him Off: The Things That Shouldn’t Have Mattered
When I look back on my childhood, what stands out isn’t just the big blowups…it’s the small, everyday things that somehow became dangerous. Things that should never have mattered. My father could be set off by almost anything. Leaving a soggy bar of soap in the dish. Using the can opener directly on the counter.… Read more
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Post #9: My First Trip to Florida: The Memory That Wasn’t Supposed to Happen That Way
I was seven years old. My parents had taken me to Florida… my first big vacation, my first time on a plane, my first trip to Disney World. It was supposed to be magical. It was supposed to be one of those bright, happy core memories that lives in a child’s heart forever. And I… Read more
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Post 8: The Memory I Don’t Have — The Push Against the Wall and What My Mind Erased
Some of the hardest stories to tell are the ones we don’t even remember. It happened at my grandma and grandpa’s apartment. Years later, my aunt and uncle told me the story. I just stood there, stunned. How could something like that happen and leave no trace in my memory? When the Mind Protects Us… Read more
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Post 7: Emotional Abuse and Its Impact on My Mother and Me
The emotional abuse I grew up with didn’t just shape me, it fractured my family. My parents divorced in 2016, but I hadn’t spoken to my father since January 31, 2009, my wedding day. We fought that day because my dad insisted my brother sit at the head table, even though we had agreed long… Read more